Hello everybody.

So here is whats been going on with Claudia Dearest:

I graduated from the Art Institute of Phoenix in March 2006 with a Bachelor of Arts (Media Arts & Animation). I have been working on freelance projects left and right. Been busy marketing myself out there for any sort of design work. I've been working on custom visualizations for clubs/bars/restaurants/shops ect as well as promotional/market materials such as ads/flyers for various clients.

I moved out of the ghetto-tastic neighborhood i was living in when i was going to AIPX (19th Ave & Northern) and now reside in the "uptown arts district" which is only minutes away from the beautiful lights of downtown. I live with my boyfriend and fellow aipx graduate David Figueroa and my very good friend Jesika Novoa. Lolita, Pichu, & Osiris are still part of the family with the addition of Luna, Jesika's ewok/yorkie.

I'm very happy.

There is a crucial differece between the criminal and the outlaw. The criminal is a perverse rebel who acts out against the law, a subnormal person who is unable to care enough about others to bear adult responsabilities. The outlaw is a supranormal individual who cares about others too much to accept the limitations on eros that are imposed by normal life. Thus the outlaw quest moves outside and beyond not against the law. While the rebel is merely rejecting the established, the outlaw is motivated by a quest for autonamy, self-government...not rooted in any undigested psychological need to rebel, but in a passion for justice, dignity, and freedom. The trasn-moral conscience of the outlaw is the inner voice of a universal community struggling to be born.
---Sam Keen, The Passionate Life: Stages of Loving

i just end up listening to the same songs over and over again hoping to inspire that spark i thought i felt once.

You are the Hanged Man card. The Hanged Man is
echoed in the myths of Osiris, Jesus Christ,
and the Fisher King. Each of these men
sacrificed himself so that his kingdom or
followers could have better lives. The
suffering that The Hanged Man endures brings
wisdom and insight to all those who know him.
Hardships and trials in our life help to make
us stronger. We learn and grow from the demands
life makes on us. By facing our problems head
on and by exploring the darkest places of our
inner and outer worlds we can understand and
rise above our problems. Image from:
http://www.craftman.co.uk/index.htm


Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

so i found out that there is indeed some sort of "scene" in portland. dnb scene that is. i'm overjoyed. i cant effin wait to relocate!

school starts up again tomorrow. a whole new quarter. gonna be my second to last. one week is barely enough time to recoup.

that is all.

When the ear hears, observe the mind. Does it get caught up and make a story out of the sound? Is it disturbed? You can know this, stay with it, be aware. At times you may want to escape from the sounds, but that is not the way out. You must escape through awareness. -Ajahn Chah, "Still Forest Pool"

The greatest support we can have is mindfulness, which means being totally present
in each moment. If the mind remains centered, it cannot make up stories about the
injustice of the world or one's friends, or about one's desires or sorrows. All
these stories could fill many volumes, but when we are mindful such verbalizations
stop. Being mindful means being fully absorbed in the moment, leaving no room for
anything else. We are filled with the momentary happening, whatever it is--standing
or sitting or lying down, feeling pleasure or pain--and we maintain a nonjudgmental
awareness, a "just knowing."

-Ayya Khema, "Be an Island"

i hit up a house/bday party over at ben and aaron's. i drank allot of alcohol. i was fine all night long. layed around and talked in the dark (my fave). ahem. come morning time tho, i had a wicked headache and was feeling woozy. i threw up allover myself in my ride's car. charming to say the least. diff crowd than usual for me but i fershure want to hang out with them again. stylish folks that like to socialize, drink, and draw?! BRING IT!

i want to live somewhere green. i've lived my whole life in the desert. i want to be able to wear my beloved hoodies year round. is that really so much to ask? there is someone out there right now in a hoodie. oh how their comfort mocks me. ideally, and god knows i'm an idealist, i'd like to move abroad. but baby steps, right?

so look how early it is! i frigging woke up today before 12AM OMG. seriously tho, its been a goal of mine. i have this really nasty habit i'm trying to break where i hit the snooze button for say, oh, 5 hours. thats 5 hours of my life spent in limbo. not asleep, not awake, and certainly not doing anything productive thats going to get me out of phoenix any sooner.

i feel a little concerned about my roommate. i think he's depressed. and i would know. its one of the shittiest situations to be in. having a friend whos depressed or otherwise mentally ill and they dont recognize it. most importantly, they dont recognize life doesnt have to be that way. look at me all talkin like a zoloft commercial. but seriously. i feel like saying anything will just make my the hyper sensitive chick that wants to label everyone as mentally ill. but, diagnosable illness exists only for insurance purposes. if you see it as more of a scale, as i do, we all have a certain amount of separation from our essence.

and now, a picture of me in my new *free* aipx shirt that i slept in last night:

got a new journal layout here. i downloaded iJournal to type up my messages. i guess this is like, a test post. check it.

i went to school and worked on things today. very acomplished, i feel.

i just want to be loved for who i am. and i'm learning that who i am is someone who's scared to be loved....
and so...
where do i go from here?

Your dating personality profile: Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Outgoing - You can liven up any party. You've got a way with people and have little difficulty charming your dates. Sensual - You are not particularly shy when it comes to your sexuality. You know what you like and do not feel inhibited.

Your date match profile: Outgoing - Shy and timid people are not who you are after. You need someone with a vibrant personality to breathe life into a relationship. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living. Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Liberal 2. Outgoing 3. Sensual 4. Adventurous 5. Wealthy/Ambitious 6. Practical 7. Big-Hearted 8. Intellectual 9. Romantic 10. Funny

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Outgoing 2. Practical 3. Adventurous 4. Funny 5. Intellectual 6. Conservative 7. Wealthy/Ambitious 8. Athletic 9. Romantic 10. Traditional

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

weird day. i'm having a birthday party on friday night. my birthday is the 10th. i'll be 22. yay for pisces.